All New Low

You'd have to live a million live and suffer immense pain in each one to even sympathize with me today. I'd rather be burnt alive than relive the last half-hour. I'd rather be thrown from a speeding car, dunked in acid, stomped by a raging bull, and dragged across 1000 miles of razors. I'd take all of that and be grateful.

To truly understand this blog post you'll need background information. My parents, Stephen and Sarah, aren't exactly in the running for parents of the year. In fact they belong in a select pool of individuals who shouldn't have been allowed to procreate.

Stephen:
Vehemently refuses to conform to American society. He'd rather live like he was still in Sudan. (Forcing everyone around him to do so too) You might ask yourself "Whats so wrong with that?" You have no idea, but that's a whole other blog topic. Stephen ALWAYS overreacts and expects the impossible from everybody.

Sarah:
The obedient housewife. How many times have I stood up for this woman?! Never one to outwardly disagree with Stephen, Sarah always makes things worse. Her favorite torture technique is comparing her children to other people's children, then belittling everything that makes her children themselves. The same goes for Stephen, but this is Sarah's specialty.

I could easily ramble about how horrible life is with them, but I'm focusing on the one event that changed it all. The one event that can't be topped or undone. No, they didn't beat me, but I wish they had. It probably would have been easier to take then what they actually did.

Today started out like any other Sunday. Boring and empty. I decided to stay in bed and listen to my Ipod. Apparently, Stephen had been calling my name for some time, but I couldn't hear him. He busted into my room and demanded to know why I was ignoring him. I tried to explain, but I was wasting my breath--he wasn't even listening.

He tells me to go to the living room. Stephen decides that I stayed in bed because I'm lazy and that I don't want to be with the family. (Which isn't true, I already told you why). Now, I'm angry because I'm being yelled at for doing absolutely nothing. So I went into the kitchen, and I guess I had a dirty look on my face, which Sarah decides was directed at her (It wasn't). She scoffs, almost hisses at me. "Don't look at me like that." Again, I try to explain, but she isn't hearing a word I'm saying either.

I'm so angry that I'm on the verge of tears. They're out to get me, I haven't done ANYTHING they've already begun to verbally reduce me tears. The angry look on my face sets Stephen off. He decides we need to have a little talk. (These never end well) He politely asks what I want, where I want to go. I don't understand what he's talking about, so I stayed silent. He says "This is just a talk, I want to know what you really want, because you don't want to be in this family" It suddenly clicked. I'm being kicked out...(He threatened to kick me out the previous week for stating the obvious: he hates giving people rides)

Sarah walks in, she sits next to Stephen and chimes in "Good, I better sit in on this. She was giving me dirty looks in the kitchen." At that moment I wanted to lunge at her throat. She ALWAYS makes things worse. I was being Tag-Teamed by these two Nazis and I had no way out.

Stephen kept asking where I wanted to go because he didn't want in his house anymore. I stayed silent. He yelled about how he can't live in the same house as someone who doesn't smile, always stays in their room because they hate their family (I'm a loner, I like being by myself), & someone who is always gets angry when they're asked (TOLD) to do things (Am I supposed to be ecstatic about it?). He went on yelling about how I'm ungrateful and undeserving. He wasted his time raising a useless daughter who would amount to nothing. Sarah added in that I'm lazy and stupid. She went off on how Martha and Chol know how to cook traditional meals and that I was abandoning the culture.

The entire time my eyes were welling up because this was a one-way conversation. I couldn't defend myself so I stayed silent and cried. Then, they said something that nobody should ever hear. Words that carry more weight than anyone can imagine.

Like I wasn't even there, they discussed how much better their lives would have been if I had died in Kenya (I was really sick as a baby). They talked about how everyone would be so much happier and how everyone would think of them better because they wouldn't be hindered by an embarrassing/disappointing daughter.

The tears just started pouring out. I always knew I wasn't their favorite child, but to hear them wish out loud that I was dead is worse than death itself. And just they way they talked about it added to the sting, they were so casual, as if they were talking about the weather. Sarah casually suggested suicide.

Honestly, I considered it for a moment. Why not end it? It's not like they care either way! I would be free. Free from the stress, the yelling, and belittling. But then I would just be giving them what they wanted. And what about my friends? The only people I'm ever happy around. I can't take my own life--I have to much to live for.

I've decided to stay here. Even though that means I have to suffer as if I'm being burn alive every time they look at me. But on the bright side, just two more years and I'm gone. The second I turn 18 I'm never looking back. Stephen and Sarah who?